If you’re one of the many that has laid their heart on the line for a date with their server only to be shot down, fear not because those days are dead and gone. Here to assist in romancing your service industry crush are a few guiding principles, that if followed will earn you some serious consideration.

Same Rules Apply

Would you ignore someone you’re planning on asking out? What about making demands before getting a name? And throwing down insults about their work?

Hopefully the answer is no (and if it’s yes, it’s time to re-evaluate your game in general). Well, surprise! The same courting rules that apply to the general public also go for your server, host, bartender, etc. because we’re people too! So avoid the brush off, any version of “get me” especially without saying please and thank you, and any insinuation that we’re not doing our jobs to the utmost of our abilities. Basically, mind your manners and treat us how you’d like to be treated, or else you’re just digging your own grave in the dating department.

For most, this goes without saying, but better safe than sorry. Pet names are generally not appreciated, even if we put up a good front about their use. Neither is gawking, catcalling, and definitely not copping a feel.

Now you may not even be aware that you’re guilty of a few of these no-no’s, because let’s face it, sometimes when we’re not trying to be on our best behavior, things slip through the cracks. So, to counteract a few of the misses, don’t pass up an opportunity to show your appreciation of the work we’re doing so that you can enjoy yourself. Basically, do your best to be respectful because just that goes a long way.

If You’re Interested, Act Like It

Working in the service industry, specifically in the front of house, means that we literally serve others all day long. As far as dialogue, there’s very little in the way of engaging conversation. So it’s quite refreshing when we’re asked questions that go beyond the drink menu, perhaps even venturing outside of life at work, and getting a chance to actively participate in an exchange. Not only does this clue us in to your attraction, but may also ignite one of our own!

A word of caution: even if a conversation is going well, don’t guilt trip us if and when we have to attend to our other customers. It is our livelihood, after all. Instead, graciously let us go and leave us wanting more!

Love Don’t Cost A Thing

Sure, a big tip is always appreciated, but be careful about throwing around your money, credit cards included. Attempting to impress with the promise of cash bonuses is in most cases considered solicitation and, excluding special circumstances, is no way to gain affection, literal and otherwise. Even dressed up with promises of tomorrow, all you’ll get for tooting your own horn is payback. And you know what they say about payback…

Impress us with the immaterial, like your great sense of humor, infectious laugh, or even your total lack of coordination (sometimes it’s cute!).

Take A Hint

If your attempts at wooing go wayward, and even a bat can see that there’s no future (at least for the moment), then bow out with style. Don’t skimp on the gratuity, make a scene, or talk trash because no one wants to date a sore loser and, who knows, there may be a chance at redemption next time.

Know more secrets about charming your server (or any service industry employee for that matter)? Let us know here, or @gosirvo.